just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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