dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
