Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
