Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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