Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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