i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
