I can't breathe out the right side of my face
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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