i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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