He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
