Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
