I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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