Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize