I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
