She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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