I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
