did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
