I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
