i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
