foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
