I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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