I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
