I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
