Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
