GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
