You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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