my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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