well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
