I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
