"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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