i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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