My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
