tell your sister to shave her snatch
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
