Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
