I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You took a bar mat shot.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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