My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
