my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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