Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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