Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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