You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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