I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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