I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
