chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
