you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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