thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
