youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
