she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
