she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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