Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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