We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
