I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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