There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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