Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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