I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think I am morally bankrupt
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
